by: L.J. Devon
As the apparitions of Halloween come out of hiding, Burger King is pulling out a trick of their own. “Something wicked is coming,” the haunting fast food juggernaut announced on their Twitter feed. Burger King launched a promo video flashing with lightning, thunder, and a black-bunned Whopper posing as the moon in some wicked lunar eclipse. Is it a trick or a treat?
What most consumers do not understand is that fast food joints like Burger King stay in business because they use food chemicals that trick consumers’ taste buds and brains into wanting more of the fast food they are eating. Monosodium glutamate (MSG) is one such additive that is used to excite the consumers’ taste buds and neurotransmitters. This food science is used to addict people to the food products. The excess glutamate sets off a chain of enzyme reactions that can actually excite neurons to their death, making the consumers grow dumber as they eat more of the MSG-laced food products.
Fast food joints like Burger King literally poison consumers’ brains just to stay in business. They might even go as far as disguising MSG on the label as Sodium Caseinate, hydrolyzed vegetable or plant protein, or autolyzed yeast extract.
Brain-damaging MSG appears in Burger King favorites such as the Breaded Original Chicken Patty. Monosodium Glutamate is in the patty and in the breading mix that it is fried in. MSG shows up in their sausage, sausage gravy, fried Spicy Chick’n Crisp Patty, the Breaded Tendercrisp Chicken Filet, the signature BK Chicken Fries, and the Crown-Shaped Chicken Tenders.
Free glutamate also shows up in the form of Sodium Caseinate in Burger King’s biscuits and croissants. The tricky autolyzed yeast extract shows up in their Tendergrill Chicken Filet, their loaded potato topping, and their smoky cheese sauce. Scared yet?
Fattening “Halloween Whopper” emerges from the shadows
As if their menu items weren’t scary enough with all of their mind-destroying additives, Burger King has recently unveiled their new “Halloween Whopper.” It’s the same greasy whopper as always, but the usual dripping patty is now slapped between two horrifying-looking black-colored buns. These new black buns are the same old buns soaked in A.1. sauce.
This Halloween gimmick probably won’t even matter to consumers. That’s why consumers should be aware that the black buns could one day be used to promote some sort of #blackbunsmatter movement. Perhaps Burger King can enlist its marketing team to go around shouting people down and threatening police lives until everyone accepts that #blackbunsmatter.
All joking aside, the Halloween Whopper is just as scary, if not more frightening, than the Whoppers that came before it. It’s not the looks of the black buns that should frighten customers. It’s the 710 calories, 43 grams of fat and 1.5 grams of trans fat that should scare customers away. Even the white-bunned whopper can’t compare. At 650 calories and 37 grams of fat, the white buns are a little less hefty than the black-bunned whopper.
If the new Halloween Whopper isn’t fattening enough, then customers can enjoy the season favorite, the 20-ounce Pumpkin Spice Oreo Shake. The 890-calorie shake, which will be advertised right along with the Halloween Whopper, adds a whopping 120 grams of sugar and 24 grams of fat to the mix.
Burger King is right when they say that “Something wicked is coming.”
Gullible Americans looking to try the new “Halloween Whopper” can only cross their fingers and hope that the new black-bunned Whopper isn’t made with horse meat. It wasn’t long ago that Burger King admitted they were selling burgers in the United Kingdom that were tainted with horse meat.